well you can't waste a boner
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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