just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
