He is an equal opportunity slut.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
