I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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