I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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