dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
