tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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