I just pynch a tree in the face
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
