At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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