hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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