I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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