And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
