I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
