so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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