What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She's like a pop up book from hell.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
