Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
