is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
