They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
