i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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