he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize