it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
