Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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