I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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