i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
