Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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