Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
