It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just google imaged poop.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
