she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
