come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
