Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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