hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
