I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
