Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we're making bets on your personal life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
