Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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