Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
