While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
