Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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