he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
