No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize