Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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