if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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