70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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