ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
