Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
