why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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