I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My ATM looks so different sober.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
