so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
