The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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