I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
