things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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