My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
