I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
