Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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