3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
