Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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