Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
