I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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