Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
