I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
