Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize