I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize