I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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