Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
