i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
