Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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