while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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