im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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