I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
