i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
