This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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